Texts from Jane Eyre And Other Conversations with Your Favorite Literary Characters

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  • Format: Hardcover
  • Copyright: 2014-11-04
  • Publisher: Henry Holt and Co.
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Hilariously imagined text conversations—the passive aggressive, the clever, and the strange—from classic and modern literary figures, from Scarlett O'Hara to Jessica Wakefield

Mallory Ortberg, the co-creator of the cult-favorite website The Toast, presents this whimsical collection of hysterical text conversations from your favorite literary characters. Everyone knows that if Scarlett O'Hara had an unlimited text-and-data plan, she'd constantly try to tempt Ashley away from Melanie with suggestive messages. If Mr. Rochester could text Jane Eyre, his ardent missives would obviously be in all-caps. And Daisy Buchanan would not only text while driving, she'd text you to pick her up after she totaled her car. Based on the popular web-feature, Texts from Jane Eyre is a witty, irreverent mashup that brings the characters from your favorite books into the twenty-first century.

Author Biography

Mallory Ortberg is the co-creator of The Toast, a general-interest website geared toward women. She has written for Gawker, New York Magazine, The Hairpin, and The Atlantic. She lives in the Bay Area with her laptop and her cat.

Table of Contents

Part I
Medea  3
Gilgamesh  6
Achilles  8
Dido  11
Plato  12
Circe  14
Medea, Part II  17
King Midas  19
The Wife of Bath  20
William Blake  21
King Lear  25
John Donne  30
Hamlet  32
Don Quixote  34
Hamlet, Part II  36
René Descartes  37
William Wordsworth  39
Hamlet, Part III  41
Samuel Taylor Coleridge  43
Hamlet, Part IV  45
Part II
Jane Eyre 49
Sherlock Holmes 52
Emily Dickinson 55
Oliver Twist 60
Lord Byron 62
John Keats 66
Emma 69
Pride and Prejudice 72
Moby-Dick 78
Great Expectations 85
Gone with the Wind 89
Edgar Allan Poe 94
Treasure Island 101
Gone with the Wind, Part II 105
Part III
"The Yellow Wallpaper" 109
Wuthering Heights 114
Little Women 120
Hamlet, Part V 129
Henry David Thoreau 130
Daisy Miller 134
The Island of Dr. Moreau 136
Daisy Miller, Part II 137
Les Misérables 139
A Tale of Two Cities 145
Rudyard Kipling 146
Daisy Miller, Part III 147
Daisy Miller, Part IV 148
The Sun Also Rises 149
Agatha Christie 152
The Great Gatsby 153
Daisy Miller, Part V 155
J. Alfred Prufrock 156
Virginia Woolf 161
William Faulkner 162
Daisy Miller, Part VI 165
Peter Pan 167
The Great Gatsby, Part II 171
Part IV
Sweet Valley High 175
The Outsiders 179
The American Girl Series 183
The Baby-Sitters Club 188
Nancy Drew 192
Atlas Shrugged 196
Fight Club 200
The Lorax 205
Rebecca 209
Cormac McCarthy 213
The Hunger Games 216
William Carlos Williams 219
Harry Potter 222
The Little Prince 225

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