9781573449045

Foreword
Even though we live in a time when anal sex movies are available at just a mouse click, anal pleasure—especially for men—remains a topic about which most people have never received good information. Sex education as a whole, in fact, doesn’t serve to promote or explore pleasure; people have to figure that part out on their own, and many don’t have time, ready access to information, or even the understanding that sex could feel better to them than it does right now. Still others cannot, for personal reasons, prioritize pleasure—after all, we are still getting mainstream messages that sex is primarily for reproduction, though that is hardly the only sexual message we hear. It has become a very lively discussion, if you know where to look for alternative perspectives.
Still, male anal pleasure and prostate play lie far outside the charmed circle of what many people understand sex to be, and anyone seeking to explore it needs to find a source of knowledge. This information mostly used to be in the hands of men who had sex with men: open discussion of anal sex and prostate play was far easier to find in the gay community, despite the irony that (as one study noted) more married heterosexual women, percentage-wise, engaged in anal intercourse than gay men. Jack Morin, in his book Anal Pleasure and Health, brought this information to anyone who needed it—but still, when my partner Dr. Robert Morgan Lawrence and I began traveling and teaching anal play workshops at the dawn of the 1990s, most people did not even know there was an informational infrastructure to be had. It has been a huge privilege for Robert and me to talk and teach about anal pleasure, for no knowledge is as welcome as knowledge that once seemed unobtainable.
With Robert, who had been teaching anal eroticism skills since the 1970s, I appeared in Bend Over Boyfriend—essentially a video distillation of his knowledge—which helped innumerable curious couples explore back-door delights. This became one of the best selling movies Good Vibrations ever carried. If it was not clear before that there existed plenty of pent-up desire for male anal play (and information about anal pleasure in general), this response, and feedback from many, many men and their partners, has definitely shown otherwise.
The fact is, all kinds of men love prostate stimulation and pleasure; even when they do not share this predilection with their partners, they may engage in solo anal play. Other men have decided to explore it in the hope that prostate massage will help keep them healthy. And increasingly, people with prostates are sharing erotic explorations with their partners. This book supports all of them—as well as the curious who haven’t yet put their ass on the line for erotic enjoyment—with permission, knowledge, safety information, and suggested play styles. It’s a great addition to a largely underground history that is finally coming into the light. Everyone deserves the sex information that will make their desires consensually possible, safe, and full of pleasure.

Carol Queen PhD
San Francisco

Introduction
The prostate has been getting a lot of attention lately. According to Christine Fawley of PleasureMechanics.com, “Prostate massage is the hottest trend in male sexuality, as straight men all around the world are waking up to the potential pleasures of anal play and prostate stimulation.” Coyote Days, toy buyer for Good Vibrations, says, “In the years that I’ve been buyer, there’s definitely been more emphasis, focus, and attention directed toward prostate stimulation.” What’s all the buzz about?
Curiosity about the health benefits of prostate massage has inspired lots of men to try it out and to discover some pleasant side effects—intense pleasure and orgasm. Many others have been intrigued to hear that it is possible to have an orgasm through prostate massage that feels completely different from what they are used to from penile stimulation, and that this can happen without touching their cocks at all. Not to mention multiple orgasms and full-body orgasms that some men experience through prostate play!
In recent years, people have been calling the prostate the “male G-spot,” a term that is suggestive of how powerful this hidden pleasure zone can be. And while the prostate has been common knowledge for a long time among gay men and other sexual subcultures, the increased mainstream popularity of pegging (strap-on sex for male–female couples, with the male as the receiver) has led many hetero couples to discover the intense sensations that this area can offer.
As the reputation of the prostate has grown, so has the curiosity of men and their partners. More and more ears are perking to the whispers and shouts about the prostate gland as a source of intense erotic sensation. In our work as sexuality educators, we’ve fielded more questions from men and their partners about prostate stimulation than we can keep track of.
With the increasing buzz about the prostate, more sex guides ranging from Tantra books to sex toy guides mention the prostate as an erogenous zone. However, most only mention it in passing, and don’t elaborate much further than to say “Insert fingers and curl them toward the front of the body.” Given the significant popular demand for information and the very limited number of comprehensive guides to prostate stimulation, we decided to write a detailed guide to finding and enjoying the prostate by yourself or with a partner.
Since you’re reading this, odds are that you’re curious about prostate play. Maybe you’ve been thinking of trying it out. Maybe you’ve given it a shot and want some new tips. Or perhaps your partner is interested and you’re willing to learn more. However you got here, we’re glad you did. Unlike some other sexual practices, trying prostate play presents some hurdles. Concerns about anal play, safety, cleanliness, sexual orientation, masculinity, and gender roles can hold men and their partners back. Or simply never having heard much about the prostate as a pleasure zone can keep lots of people from exploring it. We’re always excited to help people discover new ways to experience pleasure, so we give you all the information you need to know to relax and enjoy yourself.
All Genders and Orientations Are Doing This
All kinds of people get into prostate play. We have personally spoken with men of all different orientations—straight, gay, bi, queer, pansexual, etc.—who get into prostate play by themselves, with a partner, or both. It is a very diverse group of people who enjoy prostate play!
Despite the rather tenacious idea that anal penetration isn’t something heterosexual men do, we’ve talked with enough hetero men (and female partners) to know that’s simply not true. But because male-receptive anal penetration is still very taboo outside gay male circles and sex-positive subcultures, the enjoyment of prostate play (and male-receptive anal play generally) by hetero men is not discussed as openly, and there is less awareness of these practices in the larger culture.
Of course, awareness of this kind of play among straight men is growing now that prostate play is getting so much attention, but many straight men and their partners still would be surprised by the suggestion that they could enjoy having their prostate massaged through the front wall of the rectum. Quite a few people only know of the prostate in connection with cancer, and lots of guys are uncomfortable with the idea of anal penetration anyway. One of our main goals with this book was to reach as many straight men as possible and give them all the info they need to enjoy prostate play.
We also tried to make the book relevant to men who sleep with men. Many men who are part of a strong gay/bi/queer/pansexual community are already fairly knowledgeable about the prostate; this information is typically passed around between partners and in the community at large, since anal penetration is frequently normalized in these circles. Still, we hope that our readers who are gay/bi/queer/pansexual men may learn something new.
In addition to the pleasures of receiving prostate stimulation, people of all genders who are partners to men can enjoy being on the giving end of prostate play with fingers, toys, or a cock or strap-on dildo. Throughout the book, we dance back and forth between addressing those who are looking for their own prostate and those who would like to learn to pleasure someone else’s. Also, we gave special attention to women who want to pleasure a man’s prostate, as we think this information is in high demand among many women who play with men.
What You’ll Find Inside
We begin by addressing common concerns with a chapter on FAQs, where we briefly list and respond to the most common questions and concerns we have encountered in talking with men about prostate play. Next, we explain the role of the prostate in male reproductive anatomy and discuss the erogenous nature of the prostate.
After that, we get into the how-to section of the book: anal play and hygiene, the basics of pleasurable anal penetration, how to find the prostate, and what to do once you have. In addition to an in-depth description of solo and partnered massage technique, we cover toys and anal intercourse/strap-on sex. In the final portion of the book, we focus on some of the larger issues that can affect prostate play: how ideas of masculinity can hold men back, prostate health, and some of the ways in which prostate massage is believed to benefit health.
Even if you think you know everything you need to know about a particular topic, take a look at that chapter. We thought we knew a lot before we started writing this book—we were surprised to discover how much more there was to know. You might be too!
And just as with anything about sex, nothing we describe here works for everyone. We invite you to try out as many different approaches as you want, but don’t get discouraged if some of them aren’t your thing. We have plenty of other suggestions.
A Note about Language
One of the hardest tasks in writing about sex is deciding what terms to use for body parts. Some people prefer terms like penis and anus, while others find them too medical or clinical. On the other hand, words like cock or asshole, more comfortable for some, are too slangy or offensive to others. There’s no way to talk about sex that’s guaranteed to suit everyone all the time.
We decided to use different terms in different places. For example, when we’re talking about medical issues related to the prostate, we shift into more medical language. In other places, we keep it more informal. But there’s nothing better about one term or another. It’s just a matter of preference.
Here is one term we’ll define right away: P-spot. The prostate, as we explain in chapter 2, What Is the Prostate?, is an erogenous zone very similar to the erogenous zone in women known as the “G-spot.” Some sexuality educators and prostate play enthusiasts have started calling the prostate “the P-spot,” both to highlight that similarity and because they think it’s a sexier word than prostate. We use both terms in different places, and you’re welcome to use whichever you’re more comfortable with. In fact, we encourage you to come up with new names for this erogenous zone, if any should strike your fancy.
Who We Are and How This Book Came Together
Charlie has been a sexuality educator for over 20 years in a variety of settings; in 2005 he received his PhD in Adult Sexuality Education from the Union Institute and University. He has created workshops on many different sexual practices and communities. He teaches courses on sexuality for local universities, presents at conferences and other events, and writes a lot about sexual topics. He’d been teaching workshops and talking with people about prostate play for a while before writing this book. He has worked at Good Vibrations for several years, starting out in the stores and eventually becoming the Education Program Manager.
We met when Aislinn was hired at Good Vibrations as a Sex Educator–Sales Associate. Aislinn began sex ed as a college student, where she was part of a peer sex ed group that taught workshops to fellow students. After graduation, she got involved with sex-positive adult toy stores, beginning with Oh My Sensuality Shop in Massachusetts, and later moving to San Francisco to work for Good Vibrations. During her years as a sex educator, she has taught workshops on subjects including the G-spot, queer pornography, sex parties for women, and, of course, the prostate.
The idea for the book came about one day at Good Vibrations when Aislinn was adding a stack of no fewer than four different G-spot books to the heavily stocked G-spot toys section of the store. As an enthusiastic and experienced prostate player, it occurred to her that if so many people think of the prostate as the “male G-spot” and there are many, many books written about the female G-spot, perhaps people would like to read a book about prostate play too. She decided to jump at the opportunity to write it.
By now we were close friends, and Charlie shared his wealth of knowledge and experience with the project whenever Aislinn would bounce her ideas off him. Eventually, we realized that we wanted to work on it together, and a great collaboration took shape.
Between us, we’ve talked with hundreds of men and their partners about prostate play. In addition to these informal conversations, we also conducted an online survey to find out more about how people are doing this. Seventy-five people—givers and receivers, of all sexual orientations and levels of experience—responded, sharing their favorite techniques, what they like and don’t like, how they include prostate play in their sexual relationships, and lots of useful tips. Their generosity in sharing the details of their sex lives with us was an amazing place to start and we’re deeply grateful to everyone who participated. This book wouldn’t have been complete without you!
A Big Thanks
Writing this book has been an amazing experience, and we couldn’t have done it without lots of help. Our partners, Michael and Elizabeth, listened to us geek out about the prostate for months. Thanks for your support. Also, a special thanks to our friend Margaret Brown for her assistance in locating scholarly articles.
We’re also deeply grateful for all the experts, medical professionals, and colleagues who answered our questions, checked our information, kept us up to date on recent research, and offered feedback. A big thank-you to Dr. Alan Shindel, Carol Queen, Robert Lawrence, Jon Branfman, Jan Robinson, Stephanie Prendergast, Leah Alchin, The Source School of Tantra, and Charles Muir

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The Ultimate Guide to Prostate Pleasure Erotic Exploration for Men and Their Partners

1573449040

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