The Undutchables: An Observation of the Netherlands, Its Culture And Its Inhabitants

by White, Colin; Boucke, Laurie; Haller, Rusty; Fried, Gerald

• ISBN13: 9781888580327
• ISBN10: 1888580321
• Edition: 5th
• Format: Paperback
• Copyright: 2005-12-30
• Publisher: Colin White & Laurie Boucke

Author Biography

The authors (British and American) lived in Holland for a combined total of 23 years and return (nearly) every year to gather updates for the book.

Table of Contents

PREFACE	xi
A WORD OF WARNING	xiii
1. INTRODUCTION (the way the textbooks sell it)
There	1	(1)
Them	1	(2)
2. GETTING ACQUAINTED
There	3	(1)
Them	4	(5)
Becoming Them	9	(2)
3. PUBLIC TRANSPORT
Strippenzones	11	(1)
Off the Rails	12	(2)
OV-Kaartology	14	(1)
Kaartjes Cops	15	(2)
What to Take	17	(1)
Waiting Games	17	(2)
On-board Activities	19	(1)
Behaviour	20	(1)
Taxis	21	(1)
Air Do's	22	(3)
4. DRIVING
Freewheeling Ways	25	(1)
Road Rights	26	(1)
Traffic Jams	27	(1)
A Wheel-earned Rest	28	(3)
Getting Your Licence	31	(1)
The Smart Car	32	(3)
5. A DUTCH HOME
Urban Architecture	35	(2)
Stairs	37	(2)
Furnishings	39	(1)
Window Pains	40	(1)
The Toilet	41	(5)
The Kitchen	46	(1)
House Pets	47	(2)
Houseboats	49	(1)
Floating Flats	49	(1)
Country Life	50	(3)
6. MONEY
The Tao of Tightness	53	(2)
Short Change	55	(1)
Bargain Hunting	56	(1)
Street Markets	57	(2)
Second-hand Transactions	59	(1)
Banks	60	(2)
Chippen en Pinnen	62	(2)
Insurance	64	(1)
A Sporting Chance?	64	(5)
7. THE NATIONAL PASSION
Discussion & Debate	69	(1)
Complain, Protest, Object, Appeal	70	(2)
Causes	72	(1)
The Dutch Way	73	(2)
Vrouwened Upon	75	(4)
The Sacred Union	79	(2)
8. FOOD FOR THOUGHT
Some Traditional Dishes	81	(2)
Midday Morsels	83	(3)
Restaurants	86	(2)
Lord of the Fries	88	(2)
Tipp(le)ing	90	(2)
Dutch Sushi	92	(2)
Dutch Rusk	94	(1)
Dropjes	95	(1)
Coveted Cookies	96	(1)
Dirty Dishes	96	(1)
Bottom of the Bottle	97	(2)
9. A GROWING CONCERN
Flower Power	99	(2)
Pollen Nation	101	(3)
Shit Happens	104	(1)
Timber Talk	105	(3)
Udder Things	108	(3)
10. ON DUTCH CUSTOMS
Manners Maketh Man	111	(3)
Bioscoop Behaviour	114	(1)
A Bad Case of the Clap	115	(1)
Camping	116	(2)
On Marriage	118	(1)
The Coffee Cult	119	(5)
The Other Cult	124	(1)
The Birthday Party	125	(2)
Urine Trouble	127	(1)
Further Festive Occasions	128	(5)
11. BIKES, DIKES, FLAGS & FAGS
Bikes	133	(5)
Dikes	138	(1)
Flags	139	(6)
Fags (and Fagettes)	145	(4)
12. IDENTITY CRISIS
ID-ology I (proof of identification)	149	(3)
ID-ology II (how to get it)	152	(2)
The Regels	154	(3)
Crime and Punishment	157	(5)
Non-racist Nation?	162	(5)
13. WORK VS. WELFARE
Uitkering	167	(3)
No Fixed Abode	170	(1)
Subsidies	171	(1)
The Working Way	171	(3)
Supervisory Subjugation	174	(1)
Dismissal – Failure or Success?	174	(2)
Time Off	176	(1)
Commercial Cunning	177	(2)
Striking Back	179	(1)
A Taxing Solution	180	(2)
14. PUNTENEL & BEL HELL
Hacker Haven	182	(1)
Zolder of Fortune	183	(1)
Telephone Torture	184	(2)
The Phone Booth	186	(1)
The Holy Roamin' Empire	186	(4)
Torture Telephone	190	(1)
15. COPIN' WITH KOPEN
Code of Conduct	191	(1)
In Supermarkets	192	(3)
Avondverkoop	195	(1)
Recouping Riches	195	(2)
Shopping for Clothes	197	(1)
At Street and Flea Markets	198	(1)
16. ROCKING AND ROLLING
Sex as an Activity	199	(2)
Sex as an Industry	201	(3)
Drugs I – Still Smokin'	204	(3)
Drugs II – The Hard Line	207	(3)
17. THE DUTCH LANGUAGE
Dutch Resistance	210	(2)
Throat Disease (pronunciation)	212	(1)
Grammar	213	(1)
A Poke in the "ij"	214	(2)
Number Crunching	216	(1)
Foreigners' Favourites	217	(1)
Kikkerland Keepers	218	(1)
Dutch Exports	219	(1)
Game of the Name	220	(4)
18. CHILDREN
Kid Kreation	224	(2)
Raising Modern Dutches and Dutchesses	226	(1)
Battle of de Wits	227	(4)
School Daze	231	(6)
19. GEZONDHEID
Back to the Suture	237	(3)
Talkin' Trash	240	(3)
The Smokescreen	243	(1)
Closing Time	244	(6)
20. THE FLYING DUTCHMAN (export models)
The World According to Jaap	250	(3)
The Right Stuff	253	(5)
Colonial Cloggies	258	(7)
Pretorian Disgard	265	(2)
Down-Under Dutch	267	(5)
New World Netherlanders	272	(7)
21. ANOTHER BRICK IN THE WAAL
Dike-otomy of a Disaster	279	(1)
Hans Verdrinker	280	(11)
APPENDICES
A A View of the Dutch through the English Language	291	(4)
B A Chosen Selection of Dutch/English Homonyms	295	(4)
C A View of the Netherlands through Dutch Idioms	299	(8)
INDEX	307