Urgent Whispers Care of the Dying: A Personal Reference Manual for Friends and Family Assisting a Loved One at the End of Life

by Sapienza, Jerral

• ISBN13: 9780971710702
• ISBN10: 0971710708
• Format: Paperback
• Copyright: 2002-04-01
• Publisher: Lifelong Learning Excellence Inc

Table of Contents

Dedication	5	(12)
Introduction	17	(1)
Audience	18	(2)
Origins	20	(2)
Getting Started	22	(2)
Jewel in the Darkness	24	(2)
Asking for Help Along the Way	26	(2)
About the Voice of Urgent Whispers	28	(1)
About the Whispers Format	29	(1)
Vigil Notes and Exercises	30	(3)
Vigil Record	33	(2)
Know that I need you here now. Please just be yourself, taking care that you're taken care of, too	35	(2)
Be comfortable while you're with me. Don't make yourself uncomfortable doing what you cannot do	37	(2)
Feel free to ask me what I want, what I feel, what I need. Then honor and respect my answer, or my silence	39	(2)
Priorities look so very different from the end of life. I wish I had realized this before	41	(2)
I may have need of a gatekeeper now, but I also need to have time with my family and friends	43	(2)
You probably don't need to protect me from the truth	45	(2)
Treat my body with dignity. It is part, not all, of me	47	(2)
Please do not grieve for me now. Grieving is for yourselves later	49	(2)
Do not bring me your pity. Bring me your honest compassion and expression of love, or bring me nothing	51	(2)
Do not come here to take from me. I need my energy now more than ever	53	(2)
Do not be afraid to admit that I am dying	55	(2)
I need to know that you will be okay as I leave you. How will you manage? Are you taken care of?	57	(2)
Do not try to feed me what I choose not to eat, nor keep me from eating what I want. My dying body has different needs and desires than my living body	59	(2)
Be aware that I may be more senstive to Light, Sound, Smell and Touch. I am dying, but I am not yet gone	61	(2)
Be aware that flowers and perfumes can be overpowering and that my senses may be offended	63	(2)
Come sit down here with me instead of so far away. I can see and hear you better if you are at my level	65	(2)
Stay with me only if you can do so freely	67	(2)
Why do you look at me so sadly? Yes, I may be in pain, but your focusing on it doesn't help	69	(2)
Please inform me what you're doing to my body so I better understand the process	71	(2)
Everything seems so distracting to me now. Can you help me to relax?	73	(2)
Please respect my own religious beliefs, whether they are consistent with yours or not	75	(2)
Please do not demean nor mock nor cry out against my own views and practices of Spirit. They are mine	77	(2)
Learn about some of the parts of my life you may not have known anything about	79	(2)
Be as pleasant and present as possible while you're with me. Be happy that you are here for me	81	(2)
Clear your grudges before you come to clear with me. Do your goodbyes twice if necessary, once alone and once with me	83	(2)
Don't come to visit me only to read, sew, watch TV, chat with each other or write letters. I need your loving presence, attention and commitment here as I let go. Or I may prefer to have my space	85	(2)
Tune into what I'm going through here. Be present with me here and now	87	(2)
Please commit to remember me. Share me. Become my essence for someone who did not know me	89	(2)
Please honor my love for my friends and my family, even if you don't know them, understand them or feel close to them yourself	91	(2)
Open to new people who may come to be present in my death. Share with one another	93	(2)
Take the time to reflect on what part of yourself dies with me. How does our relationship benefit us both?	95	(2)
Talk or write about your feelings when you go home	97	(2)
I may like to choose the day and hour of my death... What time is it now?	99	(2)
Touch me gently (but not distractingly) as I die. Be with me but do not demand that I be with you	101	(2)
Help me and encourage me to reach out and meet with the guides who may come to meet me	103	(2)
My last requests are important to me. Please assure me that you'll see that they're taken care of	105	(2)
Please remember me as a Personal Being with history, and not just as the fragment you may find me to be now	107	(2)
Try to be patient and present in the process of these times. There is no schedule to the Hereafter	109	(2)
Celebrate my relationship with you when I'm gone, rather than merely grieving its loss	111	(2)
Realize that I go before you now, at least in part, as Teacher and Reflector for where you one day will follow	113	(2)
Know that I am the Present in an ongoing flow of Humanity in Motion	115	(2)
Don't try to hold onto me beyond my time. Don't keep my physical body here beyond its will	117	(2)
Seek to release your attachment to my body as you deepen your relationship to what we meant to one another in life	119	(2)
Help me to be aware of that grand stream of spirit, light, and consciousness	121	(2)
Give some thought to what you're going through right now. Has your being with me been helpful and healing for you as well?	123	(2)
Help improve understanding in the world through your understanding of my death process	125	(2)
There is a pattern to the body's shutting down process. Your familiarity with the process will help	127	(2)
Satotta toki ga shinu toki. --- Japanese Proverb The time of death is a time of knowingness	129	(2)
Be calm as I die---in those final moments---and allow the current of spirit to carry me away gently, gradually	131	(2)
What a relief to leave that broken, burdened body behind. It is difficult to go, yes, but what a relief at the same time. Thank You so much for your help	133	(2)
Do not disturb my body as it reclines afterward. Give it at least a few minutes to a few hours' respite	135	(2)
Maybe AIDS and cancer aren't just the scourges and the detestable diseases we've often thought them to be. Maybe they were put on the planet to teach people about Love	137	(1)
Afterword	138	(3)
Closing Poem	141	(1)
Topical Index	142	(9)
Technical Notes	151