Using Divorce Mediation : Save Your Money and Your Sanity

by Stoner, Katherine E.

• ISBN13: 9781413300192
• ISBN10: 1413300197
• Edition: 2nd
• Format: Paperback
• Copyright: 2004-05-01
• Publisher: Nolo

Summary

Thanks to high-profile celebrity separations, TV talk shows and the personal experience of many, divorce means battle, plain and simple. But does it have to be a bloodletting that ends up in court? Not if a couple chooses mediation.Mediation is the quick, fair and low stress way to resolve all kinds of disputes, including divorce. It takes place in a quiet room without a judge or a jury and leaves the final decision to the parties involved, not a fleet-footed lawyer. Consequently, more and more divorcing couples are choosing to mediate rather than step inside the contentious courtroom. In Using Divorce Mediation: Save Your Money and Your Sanity, Attorney-Mediator Katherine Stoner sheds light on the role of mediation in divorce and then explains how to:· find a mediator· prepare for mediation· anticipate what will happen in mediation· conduct oneself in the mediation· get an agreement in writing· find and use legal and other types of advisors· research state divorce lawsKeeping divorce out of court not only saves people money and time, it lessens the impact of the separation on children and other family members involved. (Who ever heard of a bloody mediation?) With Stoner's encouraging, straightforward book in hand, couples have the antidote to frayed nerves, miserable families and protracted battles.Using Divorce Mediation includes reams of worksheets and checklists.

Table of Contents

I Introduction
A. Why Mediate? Consider the Alternative	I/2
B. Divorce Decision Continuum	I/4
C. Why Mediation Can Be Your Best Option	I/5
D. Getting the Most out of This Book	I/6
E. Definitions	I/7
F. Icons	I/8
1 The Role of Mediation in the Divorce Process
A. The Four Divorces	1/3	(1)
B. Keeping It Simple: The Uncontested Divorce	1/11	(1)
C. Beyond the Basics: The Contested Divorce	1/12	(1)
D. Long-Term Effects of a Contested Legal Divorce	1/20	(1)
E. Mediation: A Different Way to Divorce	1/20	(1)
2 What Happens in Mediation
A. An Overview of Mediation	2/2	(1)
B. Introductory Stage	2/4	(1)
C. Information-Gathering Stage	2/8	(1)
D. Framing Stage	2/13	(1)
E. Negotiating Stage	2/16	(1)
F. Concluding Stage	2/20	(1)
G. Assessing the Cost of Robert and Fran's Mediation	2/23	(1)
3 Deciding to Mediate
A. Will It Play in Peoria?	3/2	(1)
B. Evaluate Your Situation: Are You Ready for Mediation?	3/2	(1)
C. Shall We Dance: Is Your Spouse Ready to Mediate?	3/4	(1)
D. Facing the Music: Factors in a Successful Mediation	3/4	(1)
E. It Takes Two to Tango	3/12	(1)
4 Proposing Mediation to Your Spouse
A. When to Propose Mediation	4/2	(1)
B. Who Should Propose Mediation?	4/6	(1)
C. How to Propose Mediation	4/7	(1)
D. Dos and Don'ts of Proposing Mediation	4/10	(1)
5 Finding a Mediator
A. Shortcut to Finding the Right Mediator	5/2	(1)
B. Qualified Mediators: What to Look For	5/2	(1)
C. Finding the Right Fit	5/7	(1)
D. Who Provides Mediation Services	5/14	(1)
E. Making a List of Potential Mediators	5/17	(1)
F. Checking It Twice: Screening and Interviewing Potential Mediators	5/18	(1)
G. Interviewing and Selecting a Mediator	5/19	(1)
6 Preparing for the First Session
A. Step One: Remember Vital Statistics	6/3	(1)
B. Step Two: Assess Your Children's Needs	6/3	(1)
C. Step Three: Locate and Copy Important Documents	6/4	(1)
D. Step Four: Inventory Your Assets and Debts	6/6	(1)
E. Step Five: Summarize Your Income and Make a Budget	6/14	(1)
F. Step Six: Consider Consulting a Mediation-Friendly Lawyer	6/21	(1)
G. Step Seven: Read Chapter 7 and Chapter 8	6/22	(1)
H. Step Eight: Prepare Yourself Mentally	6/22	(1)
7 Making the Most of the First Session
A. Mediator Approaches and Styles	7/3	(1)
B. Mediator Neutrality and Bias	7/9	(1)
C. Confidentiality of the Mediation	7/10	(1)
D. Agreement to Mediate	7/11	(1)
E. Evaluating the First Session	7/13	(1)
F. Monitoring Your Progress	7/13	(1)
8 Communicating in Mediation
A. What Is Communication?	8/2	(1)
B. What Can Go Wrong in Communications?	8/3	(1)
C. Tips for Good Communication	8/4	(1)
D. Tips for Communicating About Problems	8/6	(1)
E. Handling Strong Emotions in Communication	8/9	(1)
9 Negotiating in Mediation
A. We Negotiate All the Time	9/2	(1)
B. What Makes for a Successful Negotiation?	9/3	(1)
C. Prepare for the Negotiation	9/22	(1)
D. Negotiate Clearly, Firmly, and Respectfully During Mediation	9/27	(1)
10 Court-Sponsored Mediation
A. Types of Court-Sponsored Mediation Programs	10/3	(1)
B. How Court-Sponsored Mediation Works	10/4	(1)
C. Voluntary Mediation: To Try or Not?	10/6	(1)
D. Mandatory Mediation: Opting Out	10/8	(1)
E. If You Can't Opt Out of Mandatory Mediation	10/9	(1)
F. Preparing for Court-Sponsored Mediation	10/10	(1)
G. Attending the Mediation Session	10/14	(1)
H. After the Mediation Session	10/16	(1)
11 Using Advisers and Doing Legal Research
A. How and When to Use Advisers	11/3	(1)
B. Friends, Romans, and Countrymen	11/6	(1)
C. Legal Adviser	11/7	(1)
D. Counselor	11/15	(1)
E. Financial Adviser	11/18	(1)
F. Specialized Advisers	11/22	(1)
G. Coordinating Your Advisers	11/24	(1)
H. Finding Answers to Legal Questions: Legal Research Online and Off	11/24	(1)
12 Encountering Difficulties in Mediation: Breakdowns, Detours, and Exits
A. Four-Step Approach to Dealing With Difficulties	12/3	(1)
B. Discrepancies Between This Book and Your Experience	12/4	(1)
C. Delays and Disconnects	12/4	(1)
D. Tantrums and Other "Bad" Behavior	12/6	(1)
E. Extreme Discomfort in Mediation	12/7	(1)
F. Impasse: Mediation Hits a Brick Wall	12/9	(1)
G. Last-Minute Changes and Demands	12/11	(1)
H. Dealing With Persistent Problems	12/12	(1)
I. Leaving Mediation Without Burning Your Bridges	12/15	(1)
J. Where There's a Will, There's a Way	12/15	(1)
13 Writing Up the Agreement
A. Interim or Temporary Agreements	13/2	(1)
B. Partial Agreements	13/3	(1)
C. Why Put Interim and Partial Agreements in Writing?	13/3	(1)
D. Writing Up the Final Settlement	13/4	(1)
14 Women and Men in Mediation
A. Historical Background	14/2	(1)
B. Gender and Mandatory Mediation	14/3	(1)
C. Gender and Voluntary Mediation	14/4	(1)
D. Common Gender-Related Obstacles	14/4	(1)
15 Unmarried Couples in Mediation
A. If You Can't Agree	15/2	(1)
B. Untying the Nonmarital Knot: Opportunities and Pitfalls	15/2	(1)
C. Successful Mediation	15/6	(1)
16 Mediation After Divorce
A. Mediating Changes in the Divorce Agreement	16/2	(1)
B. Mediating New Relationship Issues	16/4
Appendix
Index