Velveteen Principles

by Raiten-D'Antonio, Toni, Lcsw

• ISBN13: 9780757302114
• ISBN10: 0757302114
• Format: Hardcover
• Copyright: 2004-10-01
• Publisher: Hci

Summary

"Like The Tao of Pooh and The Gospel According to Peanuts , Toni Raiten-D'Antonio's new book, The Velveteen Principles draws on well-known children's literature for inspiration. The author skewers the prevalent worldview that equates wealth, beauty, public acclaim, power and popularity with happiness. True happiness, she says, only comes from being "Real", and "Real" rarely means conforming to the standards of the "United States of Generica". Instead Raiten-D'Antonio extracts 12 principles for becoming real from the charming children's classic, The Velveteen Rabbit. It begins with realizing that "Real is Possible", confesses that "Real Can Be Painful", and defines "Real" as Generous, Grateful, Flexible and Ethical. "Real," she insists, is "a life well-lived, where we are true to ourselves," and "all the struggles and challenges only make us more Real."" -BookPage, December 2004. "... a surprisingly good exploration of how meaning and principles can guide one's life and work. Psychotherapist Raiten-D'Antonio bases her explorations on the wisdom of Margery Williams's classic The Velveteen Rabbit. The author encourages readers to "become Real" like the rabbit and the skin horse by rejecting the superficiality and surface beauty so prevalent in the "Generic State of America". Her work as a therapist informs and deepens her comprehension that becoming Real is the "purpose of every kind of psychotherapy". ... -Library Journal

Author Biography

After working in theater and television, Toni Raiten-D'Antonio, CSW, returned to school to become a psychotherapist and professor of clinical social work at Empire State College of New York. She has a thriving private practice on Long Island, where she lives with her husband and two daughters. www.velveteenprinciples.com.

Table of Contents

Acknowledgments	ix
Introduction	xi
To Be Real in a World of Objects	1	(182)
Real Is Possible	41	(14)
Real Is a Process	55	(10)
Real is Emotional	65	(12)
Real Is Empathetic	77	(12)
Real Is Courageous	89	(14)
Real Is Honest	103	(14)
Real Is Generous	117	(10)
Real Is Grateful	127	(12)
Real Can Be Painful	139	(14)
Real Is Flexible	153	(8)
Real Love Endures	161	(12)
Real Is Ethical	173	(10)
Epilogue: Real Has Meaning	183

Excerpts

Her husband, a white-haired man dressed in khaki pants and a flannel shirt, was small, alert and quite fit. He had pushed her wheelchair with relative ease and then knelt next to her. He pushed back the sleeve of his shirt, revealing a very old tattoo of a buxom young woman - maybe it was Betty Grable - and stroked his wife's hair. As he adjusted the plastic tubing for her oxygen supply, he spoke softly in his wife's ear. Whatever he said made her smile. As I peeked over my magazine I became strangely jealous. Here she was, at the end of her life, physically debilitated and struggling. But she was not shy or embarrassed. Instead, she exuded a peaceful sense of certainty about who she was and her inherent value. It was clear that her husband adored her and cherished every moment they spent together. I considered his tattoo and thought of the time when he was young and probably quite obsessed with pretty women. And who knows, maybe his wife was once the girl who had fulfilled his fantasy. But in the moment I witnessed, what he loved was the true and essential person inside the body, the invisible beauty he may not have seen in younger years. In the weeks after seeing that couple in the doctor's office I struggled to understand why I had been so envious. I had a husband who loved me. I felt good about my work and about my two children, Amy and Elizabeth. But I felt, deep in my heart, there was something that older woman possessed that I wanted. It was there in her face, and in the way she interacted with her husband, but I just couldn't name it. The answers we need often come to us at unpredictable moments and from surprising sources. This happened to me on a summer evening as I prepared dinner. I was in the kitchen, taking vegetables out of the refrigerator and grabbing pots and pans from the cupboard while my daughters sat together reading on the sofa in the next room. Elizabeth, age six, was reading to two-year-old Amy. Amy had her favorite blanket in her hand, her best bear, Lauren, in her lap and her thumb in her mouth. Elizabeth's stuffed bear, Ted, was propped next to her. They had reached page sixteen of The Velveteen Rabbit, Margery Williams's story, which was one of their favorites. What is REAL asked the Rabbit one day, when they were lying side by side near the nursery fender, before Nana came to tidy the room. Does it mean having things that buzz inside you and a stick-out handle? Real isn't how you are made, said the Skin Horse. It's a thing that happens to you. When a child loves you for a long, long time not just to play with, but REALLY loves you, then you become Real. Does it hurt? Sometimes, said the Skin Horse, for he was always truthful. When you are Real you don't mind being hurt. Does it happen all at once, he asked, or bit by bit? It doesn't happen all at once, said the Skin Horse. You become. It takes a long time. That's why it doesn't happen to people who break easily, or have sharp edges or who have to

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Excerpted from The Velveteen Principles: A Guide to Becoming Real Hidden Wisdom from a Children's Classic by Toni Raiten-D'Antonio
All rights reserved by the original copyright owners. Excerpts are provided for display purposes only and may not be reproduced, reprinted or distributed without the written permission of the publisher.