Wedding Vows : Beyond Love, Honor, and Cherish

by Smith, Susan Lee

• ISBN13: 9780446677202
• ISBN10: 0446677205
• Format: Paperback
• Copyright: 2001-05-01
• Publisher: Grand Central Pub

Summary

This book is a comprehensive & unique guide on how to write one's own wedding vows. In the U.S. alone, there are over 2.4 million weddings every year--& no two will be exactly alike. Yet whatever the differences, the exchanging of vows is often the most anticipated & memorable moment in the ceremony. Personalizing one's wedding vows is a growing trend in America, but it can be a very stressful experience. This book will help couples by answering some essential questions in preparing for their ceremony: * How much of your religion's traditional vows should you include? * Is your favorite poem appropriate for the setting you are in, or should you just memorize a couple of lines? * Are you stuck on what to say after "I knew you were the one the moment we met?" * Are your favorite Led Zeppelin song lyrics an appropriate expression of how you feel about your fiance? * Should you share your vows at the rehearsal?

Table of Contents

Part 1: The Basics
Introduction	3	(3)
The Ceremony Location	6	(24)
Set the Date First?	6	(1)
Geography	7	(2)
House of Worship or Not?	9	(2)
Indoors or Outdoors?	11	(4)
One Location or Two?	15	(2)
Get Hitched at City Hall?	17	(1)
Happily Ever After, Vegas Style	18	(4)
Logistical Considerations	22	(3)
Questions to Ask	25	(5)
The Officiant	30	(10)
Religious vs. Nonreligious Officiants	31	(1)
Finding the Right Officiant for You	32	(3)
Working with Your Officiant	35	(2)
Questions to Ask	37	(3)
Wedding Ceremony Structure	40	(8)
The Processional	40	(1)
The Introduction	40	(1)
The Main Body	41	(1)
The Vows	42	(1)
The Blessing and Exchange of Ring(s)	42	(1)
The Pronouncement	43	(1)
The Recessional	43	(1)
Who's Giving Whom?	43	(5)
Religious Ceremonies	48	(8)
Roman Catholic Ceremonies	49	(2)
Eastern Orthodox Ceremonies	51	(1)
Jewish Ceremonies	52	(3)
Protestant Ceremonies	55	(1)
Vow Basics	56	(3)
Vow Forms	56	(3)
Interrogative	56	(1)
Directed	56	(1)
Monologue	56	(3)
Traditional Marriage Vows	59	(14)
Religious Vows	59	(8)
Buddhist	60	(1)
Eastern Orthodox	60	(1)
Episcopal	61	(1)
Hindu	61	(1)
Interfaith (Ecumenical, Monotheistic)	62	(1)
Jewish	62	(1)
Lutheran	63	(1)
Muslim	64	(1)
Methodist	64	(1)
Presbyterian	64	(1)
Protestant	65	(1)
Roman Catholic	65	(1)
Quaker	65	(1)
Unitarian/Universalist	66	(1)
United Church of Christ	66	(1)
Other Religious Vows	67	(1)
Nonreligious Vows	67	(3)
Interfaith (nonreligious)	68	(1)
Civil Ceremony	68	(1)
Other Nonreligious Vows	68	(2)
Ring Vows	70	(3)
Episcopal	70	(1)
Jewish	71	(1)
Presbyterian	71	(1)
Protestant	71	(1)
Roman Catholic	72	(1)
Quaker	72	(1)
Unitarian/Universalist	72	(1)
Interfaith Ceremonies	73	(4)
Reconciling Religious Issues	77	(8)
Part 2: Personalizing Your Wedding Ceremony
The Personalization Worksheets	85	(15)
Bride's Worksheet	87	(6)
Groom's Worksheet	93	(7)
Developing a Theme for Your Ceremony	100	(6)
Theme Worksheet	103	(3)
Incorporating Traditions	106	(6)
Bride's Worksheet	107	(3)
Groom's Worksheet	110	(2)
Readings	112	(8)
Getting Started	112	(1)
What Kinds of Readings?	113	(1)
Practical Matters	114	(2)
Popular Readings and Writers	116	(1)
Incorporating a Reading into Your Vows	117	(1)
Readings Worksheet	117	(3)
Music	120	(9)
Getting Started	120	(1)
What Kind of Music?	121	(4)
Practical Matters	125	(1)
Popular Musical Selections and Composers	126	(1)
Incorporating Song Lyrics into Your Vows	127	(1)
Music Worksheet	127	(2)
Writing Your Vows	129	(28)
Getting Started	130	(2)
Vow Ideas	132	(8)
Bride's Worksheet	132	(4)
Groom's Worksheet	136	(4)
Vow Sources	140	(1)
Finding the Right Words	141	(4)
The Stuff of Vows	145	(1)
Marriage Vows Worksheet--Traditional Format	146	(2)
Ring Vows Worksheet	148	(1)
Putting Pen to Paper	149	(2)
Writing That Works	151	(6)
Part 3: Practical Suggestions
Preparing for the Moment	157	(5)
No Plan at All?	162	(2)
A Lasting Reminder	164	(3)
Second Weddings and Vow Renewals	167	(1)
``Encore'' Weddings	167	(2)
A New Start	169	(1)
Involving Children	170	(4)
Reaffirming or Renewing Your Vows	174

Excerpts

Introduction

THE BASICS

You (or someone you love) are getting married. Over two million weddings are held each year in the United States. Remarkably, no two will be exactly alike. Yet whatever the differences--the formality of attire, the kind of flowers, the size of the guest list, the flavor of frosting on the cake--each and every one of those weddings is guaranteed to include one element: a ceremony that unites the couple as husband and wife.

In most cases, once an engagement is announced, the planning goes into high gear. The bride searches for the perfect gown. Decisions about invitations, flowers, tuxedos, caterers, and countless other elements must be made. China patterns are weighed against one another, and planning begins for the perfect romantic honeymoon.

In the frenzy of planning wedding events, the ceremony itself--the ritual that joins the bride and groom together--can be overlooked. Yet no part of the day is likely to be more personally meaningful to the couple or more moving to their guests. Ultimately, the ceremony, that exchange of vows, is the very heart and soul of the wedding celebration.

And in an era when interfaith and intercultural marriages are more common than ever before in human history, the ceremony can be a source of anxiety, concern, and even conflict. Making decisions about the ceremony forces a couple to take a position with regard to such important issues as religion, family, history, heritage, duty, honor, and the very essence of their commitment to one another. A couple's decision to have or not have a religious ceremony, to include or not include vows of obedience and fidelity, even the decision about who, if anyone, "gives away" the bride--all these and dozens more can become points of conflict and controversy between the couple and within their families.

For many couples, the right choice is a ceremony that features the exchange of personal vows--either as the sole vows of the ceremony or in addition to more traditional vows. Deciding to write your own vows is relatively easy; but for most couples, actually writing them is tough. Even the most expressive person can end up with a classic case of "writer's block" when faced with finding the right words to express his or her love for a future spouse. Knowing that you will proclaim these vows in front of your closest family and friends usually makes it even more daunting.

It is my hope that this book will help you learn about the possibilities, evaluate the options, make meaningful choices, negotiate past conflicts, quell your own fears, and get what you want--a wonderful wedding ceremony, one that's exactly right for you. I hope it will inspire you to see beyond the "show" of the wedding celebration and focus carefully for a few moments, on what it means to articulate your commitment to one another. I hope the information and advice contained herein will help you get past any anxiety you might have about putting pen to paper and expressing the depth of your feelings for and commitment to your intended. And I hope that the vows you exchange on your wedding day will help guide you each and every day thereafter toward building a great marriage--one filled with comfort, joy, laughter, and, most of all, love.

THE CEREMONY LOCATION

Wedding planning experts are largely in agreement that the first thing a couple must decide when planning a wedding is where the ceremony (and reception) will take place. When making this first key decision, it is important to already have an eye toward how your selection of a location may restrict the nature of your ceremony, the substance of your vows, and the duration of your ceremony... and vice versa. In particular, your selection of a house of worship or other religious location can mean that many elements of your wedding ceremony will be determined by the practices and policies of that institution.

Set the Date First?

Many couples "set the date," then begin the search. While this approach can work, it may mean that the couple will have to forgo their first choice of location in order to be married on their preferred date. If you simply must be married on the third weekend in June, you may find that date already "booked up" at your church, synagogue, or favorite hotel. If a specific ceremony (or reception) location is important to you, consider holding off setting the exact date until you know the availability of that location. Your flexibility about date, as well as time of day, will increase your likelihood of getting a location you really love.

Geography

As you begin to consider locations, deciding where geographically to get married--in what city, town, or wide place in the road--is no longer a foregone conclusion. Several decades ago the average bride and groom were in their early twenties, perhaps just graduated from high school or college (or about to), and a couple most often wed in the bride's hometown. That couple was probably not yet living as independently from their parents as today's average bride and groom are, and the bride's parents were likely carrying the primary financial burden for the wedding. Today's average bride and groom are in their later twenties, with established careers and their own households, and are probably footing the bill themselves for a considerable portion of the wedding. Getting married in the bride's hometown isn't necessarily the logical choice anymore--especially if she hasn't lived there in a decade.

Copyright © 2001 Susan Lee Smith. All rights reserved.