We're Laughing with You, Not at You... and Other Frightening Tales of Life

by Wixon, Matt

• ISBN13: 9781589391239
• ISBN10: 1589391233
• Format: Paperback
• Copyright: 2001-11-01
• Publisher: Lightning Source Inc

Table of Contents

Introduction	7	(2)
Showering the world with male truth	9	(2)
The hottest fund-raiser: cheese, sausage and guilt	11	(2)
Shop 'til you drop or the schoolbell rings	13	(2)
Cobwebs are a must at office parties	15	(2)
Life, liberty and the pursuit of parking spaces	17	(2)
The best gift for an 8-year-old is not...	19	(2)
Stay sweet, show spirit and K.I.T.	21	(4)
Hey waiter, hold the ``Happy Birthday''	25	(4)
Modern life needs Hee Haw	29	(2)
Welcome to the family, Employee 4725A-2TI	31	(2)
Car shopping? Bring your own hot dogs	33	(4)
Gratuity confusion? Here's a tip	37	(2)
Break me off some Kit Kat bravery	39	(2)
If memory serves, it doesn't serve me well	41	(2)
Respect for teachers is in the cards	43	(4)
This just in: Action News wins another award	47	(4)
Can I buy a vowel, or another entry?	51	(2)
You're dancing on my foot, Valentine	53	(2)
Nostalgia can make burnt toast perfect	55	(2)
Memories are what you make them (up)	57	(2)
Class of '77 will be hard to top	59	(2)
Journalism and the art of superimposing heads	61	(2)
Flight 1450: Something is missing in the air	63	(2)
She's a beauty, but where are my shoes?	65	(2)
The new fragrance: Eau de Snooty	67	(2)
Spelling is always good rule for skool	69	(2)
Hey batter, I'll chatter for a cherry snow cone	71	(2)
Cigars, bruised shins and a coach named Dad	73	(4)
Choice cuts for a forgotten holiday	77	(2)
The hairy truth about balding relationships	79	(2)
Help needed on the loofah aisle	81	(2)
Sometimes, ``I love you'' is too easy	83	(2)
Here comes the bride ... she wants a breadmaker	85	(2)
Sweetest Day is bitter pill for men	87	(2)
It's Vegas! Bring the kids (and an oxygen mask)	89	(2)
With this ring, I thee appreciate	91	(2)
Welcome to dog ownership: Now sit	93	(2)
Tube socks are cleared for takeoff	95	(2)
Whine on Americans: It's your right	97	(2)
I'm a poet, but the cards don't know it	99	(4)
Studies can be hazardous to your health	103	(2)
Pull out your wallet or I'll clean you out	105	(4)
Getting a feel for the phone-y deal	109	(2)
Swimming through a pool of deductions	111	(2)
Home sweet home: Who will buy it?	113	(2)
Pull over, you're using the wrong fork	115	(2)
Now boarding frivolous shoppers	117	(2)
Beekeeping or college: You make the call	119	(2)
My old friend keeps trying to cash in	121	(2)
A feast of thanks to glue us together	123	(2)
Here we come a caroling: Lock your doors	125	(2)
Holidays: Great cheer and fabulous fiction	127	(2)
Dazzling rarely comes at a discount	129	(2)
Saint Nick: The definitive interview	131	(2)
Working vacation? What a presidential idea	133	(2)
The reality is, Survivor sucked us in	135	(2)
Compelling, shocking, unforgettable, read on	137	(2)
Watch out for scams, and check out this offer	139	(4)
Lordy mercy! Y'all should visit Texas	143	(2)
This column flunked the drug test	145	(2)
A Y2K bug without any bite	147	(2)
A double visionary from the very start	149	(2)
Beauty of cell phones doesn't ring true	151	(2)
Win or luge, a medal isn't worth your skeleton	153	(2)
New hobby doth filleth my time	155	(2)
Drink up from the King of columns	157	(2)
At long last, I've found paradise	159	(2)
Buy low, sell high and always keep the beat	161	(2)
Welcome! Press 1 for a long wait	163	(2)
Video didn't kill all the radio stars	165	(4)
Don't cry, or tape over, spilled milk	169	(2)
Candy-coated crime does pay off at the movies	171	(2)
Stop crying, you'll love summer camp	173	(2)
The king of everything Irish	175	(2)
I'll be on tambourine, but who'll be on kazoo?	177	(2)
How may I help you? This is a recording	179	(2)
This just in: Hurricanes are scary	181	(2)
Grumpy old Ned keeps on truckin'	183	(2)
Passengers, we apologize for the bulging pants	185	(2)
Breaking out on a face near you	187	(2)
Sports jargon to mow down the competition	189	(2)
Halloween is now more trick than treat	191	(2)
It slices, it dices, it has handlebars	193	(2)
Summer temperatures can give you the chills	195	(2)
Terrorist attack gives Americans new drive	197	(4)
Leaving my job without one sob	201	(2)
Time moves fast, so enjoy every sip	203