What Would Kinky Do? : How to Unscrew a Screwed-up World

by Friedman, Kinky

• ISBN13: 9780312331597
• ISBN10: 0312331592
• Format: Hardcover
• Copyright: 2008-06-24
• Publisher: St. Martin's Press

Summary

Kinky Friedman, who would be our contemporary Will Rogers if Will Rogers had been Jewish, smoked cigars, and foolish enough to believe he could govern the great state of Texas, returns with this collection of hilariously raunchy, sometimes poignant, and always insightful essays. With fearless wit and wisdom born from many a late night's experience, Kinky offers both pearls and cowpats that touch on life, death, and everything in between. Considering the current predicament of our nation and the world at large, the question is, "What would Kinky do?" His answers invoke Willie Nelson, Bob Dylan, Judy Garland, George Bush, and other cultural touchstones; reflect on Texas etiquette, smoking in bars, mullet haircuts, immigration policy, and how Don Imus died for our sins; and advise on how to handle a nonstop talker on a long flight, how to deliver the perfect air kiss, and what to do when a redneck hollers "Hey y'all, watch this!" Whether he's "the new Mark Twain" (Southern Living), "in a class with Oscar Wilde, Mark Twain, Will Rogers, and, yes, Henny Youngman" (The New York Post), "a Texas legend" (President George W. Bush), or "the Mother Teresa of literature" (Willie Nelson), Kinky Friedman is an outrageously funny and uncommonly smart observer of our common predicament: life and what to do about it. A little friendly advice from "Texas for Dummies" *Get you some brontosaurus-foreskin boots and a big ol' cowboy hat. Always remember, only two kinds of people can get away with wearing their hats indoors: cowboys and Jews. Try to be one of them. *Get your hair fixed right. If you're male, cut it into a "mullet" (short on the sides and top, long in the back---think Billy Ray Cyrus). If you're female, make it as big as possible, with lots of teasing and hair spray. If you can hide a buck knife in there, you're ready. *Buy you a big ol' pickup truck or a Cadillac. I myself drive a Yom Kippur Clipper. That's a Jewish Cadillac---stops on a dime and picks it up. *Don't be surprised to find small plastic bags of giant dill pickles in local convenience stores. *Everything goes better with picante sauce. No exceptions. *Don't tell us how you did it up there. Nobody cares.

Author Biography

Kinky Friedman is a country music singer, politician, Texas Monthly columnist, the author of a successful mystery series, and was a candidate for governor in Texas in 2006. He wants to take things back to a time when the cowboys all sang and their horses were smart. To find out more, go to www.kinkyfriedman.com or www.utopiarescue.com. 

Table of Contents

Acknowledgments	p. xiii
A Message from the Author	p. xv
Introduction	p. 1
Advice on Life, Death, and Everything in Between	p. 5
Unfair Game	p. 7
Arrivederci Melanoma	p. 11
A Pocket Guide to Mullets	p. 16
The Five Mexican Generals Plan	p. 22
Bring Him On	p. 25
Epilogue	p. 30
Strange Bedfellows	p. 32
I Don't	p. 36
Zero to Sixty	p. 41
Tennis Anyone?	p. 46
Smoke Gets in Your Eyes	p. 55
My Personal Heroes	p. 61
The Navigator	p. 63
Don Imus Died for Our Sins	p. 67
Animal Heroes	p. 72
Tangled Up in Bob	p. 80
Poly-Ticks	p. 85
Two Jacks	p. 90
Hero Anagrams	p. 95
Ode to Billy Joe	p. 96
The Back of the Bus	p. 100
Lottie's Love	p. 108
Advice on Writing	p. 113
Killing Me Softly	p. 115
Fictional Characters Killed Off by Their Creators	p. 120
Talent	p. 124
Strange Times to Be a Jew: Notes on Michael Chabon's Latest Novel	p. 129
Don't Forget	p. 134
A Tribute to Me	p. 142
What Would Kinky Read?	p. 149
Questions From a British Journalist-1999	p. 153
Does Not Compute	p. 159
Advice on Going on a Journey	p. 163
Texas for Dummies	p. 165
Never Travel with an Adult Child	p. 169
How to Deliver the Perfect Air Kiss	p. 179
Let Saigons Be Bygones	p. 183
Wild Man from Borneo	p. 188
Mad Cowboy Disease	p. 193
Cliff Hanger	p. 197
Robert Louis Stevenson in Samoa	p. 202
Watch What You Sing	p. 209
Advice on Coming Home	p. 215
A Little Night Music	p. 217
God's Own Cowboys	p. 220
Shoshone the Magic Pony	p. 223
The Hummingbird Man	p. 228
How To Handle a Nonstop Talker in a Post-9/11 World	p. 233
Social Studies	p. 238
Gettin' My Goat	p. 243
Change, Pardners	p. 255
Coming of Age in Texas	p. 260
Romeo and Juliet of Medina	p. 264
Table of Contents provided by Ingram. All Rights Reserved.

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