What Your Explosive Child is Trying to Tell You

by Riley, Douglas A.

• ISBN13: 9780618700813
• ISBN10: 0618700811
• Edition: 1st
• Format: Paperback
• Copyright: 2008-08-01
• Publisher: HOUGHTON MIFFLIN

Summary

From the author of The Defiant Child comes the first book to connect From the author of the groundbreaking The Defiant Child comes the first book to connect explosive behavior-when kids go from Jekyll to Hyde and back in the blink of an eye-with its underlying causes Does your hitting, kicking, screaming child explode with so little provocation that you can't help but wonder if he's possessed? Are his extreme tantrums becoming the stuff of playground legend? And are you about to lose your job because his daycare or school repeatedly asks you to pick him up early? Dr. Douglas Riley's ear-to-the-ground insights will give much-needed help to desperate parents who have one overriding question: Why does my child act like this? This compassionate yet no-nonsense therapist explains that explosive behavior is the mere tip of the iceberg. Instead of using a one-size-fits-all strategy, Dr. Riley identifies the eleven most common causes of explosions and accordingly tailors his treatment strategies to address the underlying cause of the behavior. What Your Explosive Child Is Trying to Tell You is a lifeline for parents who are at their wits'end. DR. DOUGLAS RILEY is a clinical psychologist whose practice focuses on children and adolescents who are explosive, oppositional, depressed, or have difficulties with concentration and learning. He is the author of The Defiant Child: A Parent's Guide to Oppositional Defiant Disorder as well as The Depressed Child: A Parent's Guide for Rescuing Kids.

Author Biography

Dr. Douglas A. Riley is a clinical psychologist whose practice focuses on children and adolescents who are explosive, oppositional, depressed, or have difficulties with concentration and learning. He is the author of The Defiant Child: A Parent’s Guide to Oppositional Defiant Disorder as well as The Depressed Child: A Parent’s Guide for Rescuing Kids.

Table of Contents

Acknowledgments	p. ix
Introduction	p. xv
I Am Not a Brat, Just a Child Who Needs Help	p. 1
Changes and Transitions Make Me Explode	p. 12
My Allergies Are Affecting the Way I Feel and Behave	p. 56
I Don't Like Rules!	p. 75
I'm a Wiggler and a Daydreamer	p. 101
I Can't Control Myself at School	p. 116
I Worry About Everything	p. 131
Maybe I'm Depressed	p. 146
It Seems Like Everyone Learns Faster Than Me	p. 162
But I Like Playing with the Younger Kids	p. 176
My Socks Aren't Right!	p. 189
I'm Tired!	p. 196
Ockham's Razor: A Guiding Principle for Decreasing Explosions	p. 213
Final Thoughts on Living and Working with Explosive Children	p. 219
Notes	p. 223
Index	p. 237
Table of Contents provided by Ingram. All Rights Reserved.

Excerpts

I AM NOT A BRAT, JUST A CHILD WHO NEEDS HELP Imagine the child you see at the supermarket, the one who makes you want to drop to your knees and shout out loud, "Thank God he's not mine!" We're talking about the hitter, the kicker, the spitter, the fit thrower, the screamer, the child who attacks parent and peer with so little provocation that you can't help but ask if he is possessed. The problem comes when you can't just walk away, privately shaking your head and wondering where his parents went wrong, because you are the parent, he is your child, and he's going home with you - just as soon as you can drag him out to the car and find a way to keep him buckled in. What is a parent to do? Why Does My Kid Act Like This? When parents call my office to make an appointment for a child who is about to get kicked out of kindergarten, or a child who has brought them to within half an inch of social isolation from neighbors and friends because of behavior problems, they have one thing on their minds: "Why does my kid act like this?" Parents - mothers in particular - are natural scientists when it comes to this question. They spend hours developing hypotheses about why their child acts the way he does, pondering and worrying themselves sick. What mother, way down inside, doesn't suspect that her exploding, tantrum- throwing, melting-down child is just a brat? But if you are one of those moms or dads whose child's tantrums are the stuff of kindergarten legend, simply labeling him as a brat does nothing to quiet those nagging suspicions that something deeper is going on. The problem with the "B" word is that it fails to tell you why. That why is the itch that has to be scratched if you are to come to a true understanding of how to help your child. As you will soon learn, the answer to why children explode is far more interesting, and far more complex, than the brat hypothesis. The first step toward arriving at why is to come to an understanding of the different types of explosions that children display. While most dramatic tantrums may look and sound pretty much the same to the overwhelmed parent who is standing there watching, all explosions are not created equal. I will demonstrate this to you briefly. Before I do, though, I want to ask you to do your best to avoid falling into either of two traps. The first one is confusing symptoms with causes. When working with children who explode, you might be tempted to think that the explosions are the problem, or, in medical terms, the disorder. Common sense should tell you, however, that children do not sit happily playing and then Bang! explode for no reason. There is something hidden, something working beneath the surface that sets them off time after time. The second trap is lumping all of the possible causes of childhood explosions into one heap and claiming that there is a universal technique that can be used to treat them. Such thinking is like saying that a pain in your head must be caused by the same problem as a pain in your leg, your stomach, or your shoulder and that all of them can be treated with an aspirin. Steven and Henry Think of explosive outbursts as icebergs. The observable part, that one-tenth that sticks up above the surface, is the yelling and screaming, the bulging eyes and flailing arms, the spitting and kicking and cursing that exploding kids let fly in the midst of their fits. The nine-tenths that we can't readily see are the actual causes of the explosions. This is where we become detectives, entering into the mystery of incredibly powerful forces. Once you learn to consider all of these forces, you will begin to understand why your child is responding to the world in a very specifi