When Misery Is Company

by Katherine, Anne, Ma

• ISBN13: 9781592850846
• ISBN10: 1592850847
• Format: Paperback
• Copyright: 2004-03-01
• Publisher: Hazelden

Summary

Surprising as it may sound, many people take comfort in their own misery. Feeling too good for too long (or even feeling good at all) can be scary for people, explains Anne Katherine. "Achievement creates anxiety. Intimacy leads to fear. Happiness produces uneasiness. Pleasure causes pain. The solution to this dilemma: what feels good has to be stopped. I call this an addiction to misery." Katherine's fascination and perspective book provides immediate assistance to those people who think they might be making choices that keep them at a "carefully calibrated level of existence--beneath bliss and above despair." *Available for delivery late February 2004. Reserve yours today!

Author Biography

Anne Katherine, M.A., is a psychotherapist, licensed mental health counselor

Table of Contents

Acknowledgments	ix
Part 1: Understanding the Problem
Chapter 1: Can This Book Really Help?	3	(8)
Chapter 2: The Paradox	11	(8)
Chapter 3: What's the Use?	19	(6)
Chapter 4: Tilt	25	(4)
Chapter 5: The Horns of the Dilemma	29	(2)
Chapter 6: Yes or No?	31	(8)
Chapter 7: Don't Push Me	39	(6)
Chapter 8: Isolation and Pseudo-Intimacy	45	(8)
Chapter 9: Sacrifice and the System	53	(10)
Chapter 10: Mom, Dad, and Anger	63	(6)
Chapter 11: Protecting Mom (or Dad)	69	(4)
Chapter 12: Body Hate	73	(4)
Chapter 13: Double Trouble	77	(4)
Chapter 14: Stopped	81	(6)
Chapter 15: The Tie That Unravels	87	(18)
Chapter 16: Evicting a Source of Good	105	(4)
Chapter 17: Self-Sabotage	109	(8)
Chapter 18: Symptoms	117	(18)
Part 2: Finding and Living the Solution
Chapter 19: A Look in the Mirror	135	(4)
Chapter 20: Recovery	139	(10)
Chapter 21: Allergic to Progress-The Misery Addict's Dilemma	149	(14)
Chapter 22: Step One	163	(4)
Chapter 23: The Next Steps	167	(6)
Chapter 24: Recovery Meetings	173	(6)
Chapter 25: Abstinence	179	(20)
Chapter 26: Now That I'm Recovering I'm Feeling Stuff	199	(16)
Chapter 27: Toolshed	215	(16)
Chapter 28: Brain Healing	231	(8)
Chapter 29: Therapy	239	(4)
Chapter 30: Making It Last or Avoiding Relapse	243	(6)
Chapter 31: Is It Really an Addiction?	249	(4)
Chapter 32: Make a Commitment to Yourself	253	(6)
Appendixes
Appendix A: MAA Meeting Information	259	(10)
Appendix B: Author Letter to Therapists	269	(2)
Appendix C: Resources	271	(2)
Appendix D: Notes	273	(4)
Appendix E: References	277	(2)
Index	279	(8)
About the Author	287

Excerpts

from Chapter 1 Can This Book Really Help? Carrie left me a message. ôIÆm scared. My new office was finished yesterday, so I moved into it today. ItÆs really beautiful, with a view of the shipsÆ canal. My new boss likes me a lot. This morning she asked me to join some of the managers at an informal dinner at her home tonight. I accepted and got directions. ôI hadnÆt eaten breakfast and then I worked through lunch. After work, I went into the ladiesÆ room and looked at myself and I thought, How could anyone believe in me? IÆm gross looking. My clothes are all wrong. ôSo I putzed around, arranging my office, and lost track of the time and left fifteen minutes late. And then I got stuck behind a school bus. So I got to her place thirty minutes late. And then I saw the house she lives in. ItÆs huge. ItÆs elegant. What was I doing there? ôAnd all the cars were there already. Nobody was still arriving. I sat outside for an hour and I couldnÆt make myself go in. So I finally just left. I went to a restaurant and ate about three meals. Then I came home. ôIÆm not good enough for this kind of job. I was afraid I would do some stupid thing if I went inside and that everyone would hate me. And that sheÆd think she made a big mistake hiring me.ö I closed my eyes as I heard this because I could see the series of actions and nonactions that became a cascade of self-sabotage for Carrie. I could tell she wasnÆt seeing how her failure to show up would come across to her boss. In the state she was in, she couldnÆt imagine what would be happening inside the houseùher boss and the managers waiting for her, delaying dinner, wondering and worrying, then waiting for an explanatory phone call. SheÆd gotten lost in a tunnel in her head and saw everything from inside out. At first it seemed to me that the triggerùthe first event that started her slideùwas seeing herself in the ladiesÆ room mirror. But her anxiety had been brewing before that. Her fancy new office scared her. Her bossÆs appreciation scared her. Even her own thoughts scared herùwhat if she couldnÆt measure up? The invitation to be a member of the inner circle may have been the final straw. So much bounty so soon in her new job led her to fear that she might not rise to othersÆ expectations. This fear caused her to see herself as unattractive when she looked in the mirror. Carrie had already put herself in danger of not thinking clearly by skipping breakfast and lunch. Then she made a series of decisionsùor, rather, failed to make decisionsùthat could have led to a better outcome. She putzed instead of thinking about how to get ready, didnÆt set an alarm in order to get out of the office on time, and didnÆt call a therapy group member to get help with her anxiety and decisions. By not acting in an effective way, she allowed the internal avalanche to build. By the time she was sitting outside her bossÆs elegant home, she was in too deep. She had been swallowed by her anxiety and c

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Excerpted from When Misery Is Company: End Self-Sabotage and Become Content by Anne Katherine, Anne Katherine, MA
All rights reserved by the original copyright owners. Excerpts are provided for display purposes only and may not be reproduced, reprinted or distributed without the written permission of the publisher.