Widow to Widow: How the Bereaved Help One Another

by Silverman,Phyllis R.

• ISBN13: 9780415947497
• ISBN10: 0415947499
• Edition: 2nd
• Format: Nonspecific Binding
• Copyright: 2004-09-28
• Publisher: Routledge

Summary

Following the death of a spouse or partner, the strength, support, and friendship found among one's peers can be crucial to the meaning making and transformative processes of grief. This book shares the experiences of widows who have found comfort and continuity in mutual-help and community support programs. In the second edition of her pioneering text, Phyllis Silverman brings the success of the original widow-to-widow program into the 21st century, preparing a new generation of community leaders, clergy, counselors, hospice staff, social workers, and the widowed themselves to organize and implement mutual-help programs.Widow to Widowcombines practical information and sensitive insight, with moving firsthand accounts of widows and widowers threaded throughout the text. The mutual-help approach offers a fundamental paradigm shift from the treatment of grief to a focus on growth and development through an intimate sharing of wisdom, tears, laughter, and experience. Through a deeper understanding ofwidowhood and how the bereaved can help one another, this book can empower you to help others, and perhaps yourself, to move through the grieving process with the support of your peers.

Author Biography

Phyllis R. Silverman is Scholar-in-Residence at the Women's Studies Research Center at Brandeis University and Associate Professor in Social Welfare, Department of Psychiatry, Massachusetts General Hospital, Harvard Medical School.

Table of Contents

Series Editor Foreword	xi
Preface	xiii
Acknowledgments	xix
Introduction	1	(24)
A History of the Widow-to-Widow Program	1	(1)
Primary Prevention in a Human Service Intervention	2	(6)
Considering an Intervention for the Widowed	2	(1)
The Search for a Strategy	3	(1)
Where Widowed People Looked for Help	4	(2)
The Pivotal Idea of Transition	6	(1)
Widows Helping Widows	7	(1)
The Intervention at Work: The Widow-to-Widow Program	8	(3)
Choosing a Community	9	(1)
An Advisory Board	9	(1)
Identifying the Newly Widowed	9	(1)
The Widow Aides	10	(1)
Doing the Work	11	(1)
What We Learned	11	(6)
Widows Who Accepted Help	13	(1)
Need To Find Understanding	14	(1)
Help with Concrete Problems	14	(1)
Family Issues	14	(1)
Widows Who Refused Help	15	(1)
The Widowed Service Line	15	(1)
Conclusion	16	(1)
Implications	17	(8)
Section I Various Dimensions of Widowhood
Chapter 1 Theoretical Perspectives on Grief and Helping	25	(20)
Death Is Not a Respecter of Age	26	(1)
What Is Grief?	27	(1)
Making Meaning in a Developmental Context	28	(3)
Is Grief a Normal Life Event or an Illness?	31	(6)
Grief As an Illness	31	(2)
Grief As a Life-Cycle Event	33	(1)
Grief in a Relational Context	34	(3)
Detachment Revisited	37	(3)
The Effect of Culture and Society on Grieving	40	(5)
Chapter 2 Widows and Widowers: Gender Differences	45	(14)
Gender in a Societal Context	45	(7)
Differences in Coping Styles	52	(1)
Differences in Outcome	53	(2)
How Do These Factors Influence Change?	55	(4)
Chapter 3 Grief As a Time of Loss and Change: The Nature of Transition	59	(16)
Mourning As a Time of Transition	60	(1)
Spousal Death As a Disequilibrating Event	61	(2)
My Place in the World Is Lost	63	(2)
Redefining the Self	65	(2)
Change Over Time	67	(1)
Reality vs. Disbelief: "It Didn't Really Happen, Did It?"	67	(3)
Uncertainty: What Will Happen Next?	70	(2)
Reconstruction: Building a New Life	72	(3)
Chapter 4 Help in a Mutual-Help Context	75	(22)
The Nature of Help	75	(3)
The Widowed As Helpers	78	(1)
Helping Networks	79	(1)
Mutual Help and the Professionalization of Services	80	(2)
The Influence of Social Support on the Provision and Acceptance of Help	82	(2)
Mutual Help and the Bereaved	84	(1)
What Is Mutual Help?	85	(2)
Connecting Help to the Motion of Transition	87	(10)
Affinity: "I'm a Widow, Too"	88	(1)
Presence: Learning From Others Like Themselves	89	(1)
Self-Generation: Changing Self and Others	90	(7)
Section II On Helping
Chapter 5 Could This Really Be Happening to Me?	97	(16)
Unexpected and Anticipated Deaths	99	(3)
The Silence of the Grave Becomes Real	102	(1)
Their New Status As Widowed	103	(1)
Connecting to Other Widowed People	104	(2)
Financial Concerns	106	(2)
Confronting Family Issues	108	(1)
Beginning To Grieve	109	(4)
Chapter 6 Uncertainty: What Will Happen Next?	113	(16)
The Pain Is Still There	114	(3)
A Place for the Deceased	117	(1)
Seeing Beyond Family and Old Friends	118	(2)
Others Like Me	120	(3)
Finding New Friends	123	(2)
I'm Not the Same Me!	125	(4)
Chapter 7 Looking to the Future: The Fruits of Help	129	(22)
Not Everyone Is Helped	133	(1)
A Revised Definition of Widowed	134	(2)
Reorganizing Their Daily Lives	136	(3)
Life Looks Different Now	139	(1)
A New Sense of Self	140	(3)
Dating and Remarriage	143	(4)
Establishing a New Relationship with the Deceased: Continuing Bonds	147	(1)
Helping Others	147	(4)
Chapter 8 Parenting Alone: Widowed with Dependent Children	151	(24)
How Do I Tell My Children?	152	(2)
Attending the Funeral or Not	154	(1)
We Are All Grieving	155	(1)
The Daily Routine Changes	156	(3)
Protecting Their Children From Their Grief	159	(2)
Understanding Their Children's Grief	161	(3)
Worries About the Children	164	(3)
What Will I Do If Something Happens to You?	167	(2)
Children Help, Too	169	(1)
Problem Children, Problem Parent	170	(2)
Connecting to Their Dead Parent	172	(1)
Conclusion	172	(3)
Chapter 9 The Older Widowed	175	(18)
Dealing with Their Grief and Changes in Their Lives	176	(1)
Many Changes Are Involved	177	(1)
A Changing Sense of Self	178	(1)
Help From Another Widow	179	(1)
Remaining Independent	180	(1)
Role of Adult Children	181	(5)
When My Children Don't Need Me	186	(2)
When You Need More Than Family	188	(2)
Children with Problems	190	(3)
Conclusion	193	(12)
Mutual Help Today	195	(4)
How To Find Groups	199	(1)
Using the Internet	199	(1)
Finding Local Groups	200	(1)
Finding Professional Help	200	(1)
Starting a Program	200
Taking the Initiative	201	(1)
Consider the Following in an Outreach Program	202	(1)
Role of the Professional	203	(1)
The Professional as Leader or Facilitator	203
Appendices
Appendix 1 Research Findings	205	(24)
Appendix 2 The Widowed As Helpers	229	(4)
Appendix 3 Resources for the Widowed	233	(6)
References	239	(12)
Index	251