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| Endnote | 223 |
The New copy of this book will include any supplemental materials advertised. Please check the title of the book to determine if it should include any access cards, study guides, lab manuals, CDs, etc.
The Used, Rental and eBook copies of this book are not guaranteed to include any supplemental materials. Typically, only the book itself is included. This is true even if the title states it includes any access cards, study guides, lab manuals, CDs, etc.
For some, the titles Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands and Woman Power are provocative and controversial -- especially side by side.
The former title strikes some as one-sided, hostile to women, 1950s retro, dangerous to women's civil rights, and an affront to already-hardworking women who see any request or desire from their husbands as selfish and oppressive.
The latter title strikes some as the war cry of feminists ("I am woman, hear me roar" or "These boots are made for walking and that's just what they'll do; one of these days these boots are gonna walk all over you"), one-sided, hostile to men, 1960s retro, dangerous to children's rights, and an affront to already hardworking men who see their wives treat any request or desire as selfish and oppressive.
This just goes to show you that it's all perspective and attitude. The "feminist" notion of woman power as a rejection of femininity, of child-rearing, of loving a man, and of maintaining a home both for physical and emotional comforts has robbed women of choice and satisfaction. One female radio talk show host thanked me at the end of the interview about The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands, by saying, "You've made caring about your man acceptable again."
The ultimate power of women is their unique qualities: intuition, compassion, nurturance, sensitivity, sensuality, bonding, and nesting. Women throughout the ages have been the ones to center men (the emotional safety and warmth of home and hearth, acceptance of him), give men purpose (providing for and protecting wife, children, and home), control male aggressive and promiscuous urges (the civilizing impact of responsibility to family and children). Women are also the ones who ultimately create the atmosphere in the home.
It saddens me, as a woman and as a communicator to millions of men, women, and children each day, that women have been indoctrinated to see that as subservience rather than power.
But since these issues, sadly, are controversial, many questions arise; some in your own mind, and some to handle when you are challenged when others less enlightened see that you're reading this book! Here are the most frequently asked questions and challenges since I published The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands.
This is also the beginning of the "interactive" part of this book. After each Q & A, there is a space left for your reactions, thoughts, challenges, feelings, notes, reflections, admissions, and commitment to growth or change. You don't have to take these questions in any particular order.
Also, you may wish to use these questions as points of discussion with your husband and/or your book club or women's group, or with a friend with whom you are taking this journey as "study buddies."
Question 1: How do I know the difference between a bad man and a "hungry" man?
"I have a concern regarding your new book, The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands. Women who are involved in hateful, abusive relationships may take the advice you give and try even harder to make a potentially fatal relationship work, taking on the guilt that the fault for the abuse is on them for not trying hard enough to please. Maybe you could let the thousands of women who are in these relationships know that there is a possibility that your wonderful book may not be helpful in a relationship that is abusive mentally, emotionally, and physically. Thanks for all you do for all who will pick the wax out of their ears and their egos and listen to you."
I couldn't agree more! That is why on the first page of The Proper Care, in the "Author's Note," it reads: "As I pointed out in my first book, Ten Stupid Things Women Do to Mess Up Their Lives, and reiterated in Ten Stupid Things Couples Do to Mess Up Their Relationships, the 3 A's: Addictions, Abuse, and Affairs, are behaviors, in my opinion, that break the covenant and justify the self-preserving decision to end the relationship. Where the behavior of one or both of the spouses is blatantly destructive, dangerous, or evil, this book does not apply."
That said, there are some ramifications of this idea of a "bad man" that I think need attention.Since the release of The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands, many women have written to me that even though their men have had affairs, or were drinking too hard or working too long, or were just not being cooperative around the house or perpetually displaying a negative attitude, that their own attitudes toward their husbands after reading the book had the power to heal and redirect them both. I never, never, never blame one person for the choice of behavior or actions of another. I always, always, always make it clear that people must take responsibility for their own actions in spite of whatever influences or pressures they may be experiencing from others.
However, it is a fact of life that many people make bad choices because of those influences or pressures. It is also a fact that unhappy men often make stupid, destructive choices because of those influences or pressures. It is a fact that most unhappy men are unhappy because their souls, psyches, and hearts are not being attended to at home, by the only people with the power to transform them -- their wives.
Men are more directly dependent on the acceptance and love from their wives for their general well-being, than vice versa. Women get that kind of support and feedback from their mothers, sisters, friends, hairdressers, manicurists, etc. As when they were children, men turn only to their women (mommies and then girlfriends and then wives) for the human touch. Remember the end of the Sylvester Stallone movie Rocky? When Rocky beat the champ, bleeding yet triumphant, the only thing he called out was . . .
Woman Power
Excerpted from Woman Power: Transform Your Man, Your Marriage and Your Life by Laura Schlessinger
All rights reserved by the original copyright owners. Excerpts are provided for display purposes only and may not be reproduced, reprinted or distributed without the written permission of the publisher.
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