Women Confidential Midlife Women Explode the Myths of Having It All

by Moses, Barbara

• ISBN13: 9781569242704
• ISBN10: 1569242704
• Edition: 1st
• Format: Paperback
• Copyright: 2006-08-18
• Publisher: Da Capo Lifelong Books

Summary

I'm feverish with all the possibilities, says one woman of her life now. This is the time when we start to think about what kind of legacy we want to leave behind. But there is also our inner bitch that yearns to be heard, silenced for many until midlife. As a forty-eight-year-old woman said, or rather, ranted, "Is it too much to ask for it to be my time now? For my husband to think about what needs to be done without my telling him? For my son to not act like I'm a piece of crap? For my boss to recognize I'm not his personal productivity machine? For my friends to stop being so needy?" For boomer women, the second half of life presents unique challenges and opportunities. This is the time for asking, "What do I really want?" While there's no one answer for everyone, the stories and voices in It's Not Just Me will show readers how others have coped with their own twists and turns. Rueful, funny and wise, women at mid-life have learned lots of life's lessons and are more than happy to dish it all out for us.

Author Biography

Barbara Moses, PhD, is a sought-after media commentator on career management. Dr. Moses appears frequently on network and local TV and radio, and is the author of What Next?: The Complete Guide to Taking Control of Your Working Life; The Good News About Careers; and Career Intelligence. She is a columnist for the Globe and Mail and the Wall Street Journal's CareerJournal.com and is a featured expert on various websites. Dr. Moses lives in Toronto. She can be found online at www.bbmcareerdev.com.

Table of Contents

Introduction We Contain Multitudes: Our Many Roles, Many Selves	1	(14)
What We Want Now	4	(2)
Almost Good Girls	6	(2)
Moving Forward with Grace	8	(1)
We Still Have a Lot to Worry About	9	(1)
Thinking about What Really Matters	9	(2)
The Voices You Will Meet	11	(4)
Chapter One Almost Good Girls: Meeting Expectations during the Approval-Seeking Years	15	(22)
The Other Messages We Got	19	(3)
Our Concept of Success	22	(1)
The Early Trajectory	22	(1)
Angst: Trying to Find Our Path	23	(1)
The Corporate Route	24	(3)
Trying to Fit In	27	(1)
The Schizophrenic Years	28	(3)
The Nineties—A Sea Change Still Reverberating Today: Work as Extreme Sport	31	(2)
From the Late Nineties Until Today	33	(1)
Lives Bursting at the Seams	34	(3)
Chapter Two The Awful Truth about Corporate Life: Organizations Are Built by Men for Men	37	(28)
Live-and-Die-by-the-Numbers Culture	40	(2)
Not Being Seen as a Serious Player	42	(3)
On Being Authentic	45	(2)
Dissembling, or the Art of Fitting into a Square Hole	47	(2)
Five Archetypes of Midlife Women Who Populate Organizations	49	(6)
Who Fits In and Who Flees?	55	(4)
The Work-Life Juggernaut	59	(3)
Extreme Work Hurts	62	(1)
What We Want from Our Work	62	(3)
Chapter Three Besieged and Restless: The Emotional Mathematics of Contemporary Career Maladies	65	(26)
There Is Nothing Wrong with You	70	(2)
The Acid Test: Are You Suffering from Career Malaise?	72	(1)
Common Career Maladies	72	(1)
Values Angst	73	(2)
Ambition: A Dirty Word?	75	(3)
Vertigo: "How Did I Get (from There to) Here?"	78	(1)
Nothing Left to Give: 24-7'd to Distraction	79	(2)
Been There, Done That: Overworked and Understimulated	81	(3)
Our Deepest Fear: Old, Ugly, and Fired	84	(3)
Feeling Stuck	87	(2)
Restoring Equilibrium	89	(2)
Chapter Four Moving Forward with Grace: Who You Are and What You Need in This Life Chapter	91	(18)
Finding Your Truth in the Second Half	94	(4)
Everyone's Truth Is Different	98	(2)
Knowing What You Need	100	(8)
Resolving Conflicting Needs	108	(1)
Chapter Five Facing the Inner Demons: The Anatomy of Moving On	109	(26)
Accepting Uncertainty	111	(2)
The Anatomy of Moving On	113	(1)
You Deserve to Feel Good about Your Work	114	(2)
Recognizing and Wrestling with Feelings	116	(2)
Seeing Yourself as Competent	118	(2)
Slaying the Fear Reptile	120	(2)
Identifying the Stuff That Holds You Back	122	(3)
Not Being Owned by Money	125	(3)
Focusing on What Really Matters	128	(3)
Navigating the Rocky Road to Moving Forward	131	(2)
Our Wish List	133	(2)
Chapter Six Women in Motion: The Paths to Midlife Renewal	135	(28)
Can You Reinvent Yourself?	140	(2)
Transforming the Nature of the Work	142	(2)
Shifting or Reconfiguring the Work	144	(1)
Finishing Your Unfinished Business	145	(3)
Expanding the Application of Expertise	148	(2)
Maturing as an Authentic Leader	150	(2)
Following the Free-Agency Route	152	(2)
Creating a Portfolio Career, and Life	154	(1)
What We Wish Someone Had Told Us	155	(8)
Chapter Seven Motherhood: What We Know and Wish We Had Known	163	(42)
Spinning, Secrets, and Social Comparison	167	(4)
Disappointments: The Naked Truth	171	(3)
Contemporary Mother Archetypes	174	(10)
Taking Too Much Responsibility for How the Kids Are	184	(3)
Independence vs. Dependence: The Most Significant Struggle	187	(2)
Relax, Your Kids Are Doing Fine but if You Want to Blame Someone, Blame Boomer Parents	189	(3)
Is it Really Guilt?	192	(2)
What We Know about Being a Working Mother	194	(3)
Women on Their Work/Life Choices	197	(2)
What We Wish Someone Had Told Us	199	(3)
What We Would Have Done Differently	202	(3)
Chapter Eight Childlessness: It's a Complicated Story	205	(14)
Regret or Choice	207	(4)
The Heartbreak for Some	211	(3)
A Clash of Womanly Values	214	(5)
Chapter Nine Relationships: What We Want, Know, or Should Know by Now	219	(50)
Archetypes of Midlife Relationships	222	(18)
Relationship Ambivalence	240	(5)
He's Not Perfect: Can You Accept It?	245	(2)
The Breakup: It May Be the Right Decision, but It's Not Easy	247	(6)
When It Comes to Sex, There Is No Normal	253	(1)
Women on Their Sex Lives	254	(3)
Monogamy Is a Bitch for Some	257	(5)
Are Some Women More Likely to Have an Affair Because of Their Personality?	262	(2)
Motherhood and Relationships: Are They Unhappy Bedfellows?	264	(1)
What We Wish Someone Had Told Us	265	(4)
Chapter Ten Women Confidential: Secrets of the Sisterhood	269	(24)
Friends: The Power to Wound (as Well as Heal)	272	(2)
Envy and Competitiveness	274	(2)
Looking for More and Different Kinds of Friends	276	(3)
It's Not Gossip, It's Critical Analysis	279	(3)
Six Types of Friends	282	(3)
Dealing with One-Way Relationships	285	(1)
Why We Age Better than Men in the Ways That Count	286	(4)
Summary Dish: Fourteen Secrets of Success for Work and Life from Women for Women	290	(3)
Acknowledgments	293	(2)
Appendix
Discussion Guide: Questions for you to think about or discuss with your friends or reading group	295	(6)
The Nosy Questionnaire	301	(6)
Notes	307