Would Somebody Please Send Me to My Room! : A Hilarious Look at Family Life

by Schwartz, Bob

• ISBN13: 9780944435571
• ISBN10: 0944435572
• Format: Hardcover
• Copyright: 2005-03-01
• Publisher: Glenbridge Publishing,

Summary

Bob Schwartz reminds us of the necessity, no matter how harried or confusing things are, to appreciate the humor in the day-to-day nature of family life.

Author Biography

Bob Schwartz is an author and freelance humor writer whose popular writings have appeared in over 150 magazines and numerous newspapers

Table of Contents

Acknowledgments	p. xv
"That's the Crib Post Up Ahead, Your Next Stop - the Newborn Zone"
Introduction: All Aboard the Jocular Journey	p. 2
From the Land of Know Nothing We Came	p. 7
"I'd Like to Use A Lifeline Please!"
Sing Along, "These Are A Few of My Least Favorite Things"	p. 17
Scientific No-Know	p. 23
Game of (No) Chance	p. 29
Bending for the Family	p. 35
Some Are Semi-Sweet and Some Are Semi-Not	p. 41
Sometimes You Got To Laugh (Crying Will Just Dehydrate You)
What Does Sleep Have To Do With It?	p. 47
Kid Camp Paradise	p. 53
Wondering in a Water Wonderland	p. 59
The Perilous Nature of Pickup	p. 65
It's a Ballet New World	p. 71
"What Do You Mean You Never Heard of Neil Diamond?"	p. 77
Panicking Over the Plaything
Eye Wish You Hadn't Done That!	p. 83
Virtually Connected	p. 91
Fears of A Clown	p. 97
Vacations Are All Relative(s)
Traveling Man, Pack What I Can	p. 103
Feast of Variety	p. 111
Roughing it the Family Style Way	p. 117
Nobody Ever Said That There Were Prerequisites for this Job
The Dawn Of Unenlightenment is Here	p. 125
Clothing Capers	p. 131
The Sorcerer's Stone and My Cover is Blown	p. 135
The Rebel Without a Pause	p. 141
Discovering the Secret of Wife	p. 147
"Got any Side Seams with a Zip Fly, Hammer Loop on a Pair of Low Riders?"	p. 153
My Mechanical Love	p. 157
Suburban Wild Kingdom
The 100 Acre Wood Offensive	p. 165
Doggone Turtle Gone	p. 171
Fly Away (Out of My) Home	p. 179
All's A Bit Muddled On the Home Front
"Anyone Have a Sledgehammer For the Pinata?"	p. 187
Caught in a Suds-Still!	p. 193
Welcome to the University of Pediatric Parenthood	p. 199
The Sound of Silence is Overrated	p. 205
In the Shrill of the Night	p. 211
Trombone Standard Time Zone	p. 217
Who Needs Those Vowels NYH W!	p. 225
The Economics of Lemonade	p. 231
Tis Got to Be the Season for Something or Another
"If You're Not Going to Be Jealous, Well, What's My Point?"	p. 239
Love Instructions From the Crayola Crowd	p. 245
Sugar-Term Memory	p. 251
Postulating at Parenting
Pop Psychology (Literally)	p. 259
Over Hill, Over Dale and I'm Pale	p. 267
Apparatus Advantage	p. 275
The Chaotic Cafeteria Training Ground	p. 281
A Literally Hair-Raising Experience	p. 287
Tag Teaming Family Life
The United Family Faxing Front	p. 295
Warehouse, Our House	p. 301
Lessons in Waiting	p. 307
The Diminutive Dropkicker	p. 313
About the Author	p. 317
About the Illustrator	p. 319
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