You Did What?

by Thomsen, Brian M.

• ISBN13: 9780060532505
• ISBN10: 0060532505
• Format: Paperback
• Copyright: 2004-01-01
• Publisher: Avon A

Summary

History has never been more fun than it is in this factfilled compendium of historical fiascos and embarrassingly bad ideas. Throughout history, the rich and powerful, and even just the dimwitted, have made horrifically bad decisions that have had resounding effects on our world. From kings to corporate leaders to captains to presidents, no one is immune to bad decisions and their lasting legacy. The fiascos that litter our history are innumerable?-!nd fascinating in their foolishness. This witty collection of historical mayhem chronicles unwise decisions from ancient Greece to modern day Hollywood and everything in between. Learn such lessons as never trust Greeks bearing gifts of large wooden horses, avoid building elementary schools on toxic waste dumps, even those with sweet monikers like Love Canal, rabbits multiply like rabbits Down Under, and even if you use brightly coloured paint on the boats, it's quite easy to misplace an entire country's Navy. Also included: bull;Napoleon's invasion of Russia in the dead of winter bull; The sinking of the Titanic bull;Nixon's Watergate scandal bull;Holland's Tulipmania bull; Ridiculous decisions by famous literary giants bull; Memorable mistakes by Hollywood stars and corporate bigwigs bull; Changing the formula of CocaCola And many more! With over 45 chapters of mindboggling flubs and follies, fans of history, trivia, and those who just want a good laugh will adore this intriguing and fun read.

Table of Contents

Introduction	p. XIII
You Kidnapped Whom? Troy, the Bronze Age	p. 1
You Insulted Whom? Britain, A.D. 43	p. 6
You Invited Whom? Rome, A.D. 300	p. 12
Your Son Did What? England, Twelfth Century	p. 19
You Arrested Whom? Rome, A.D. 1244	p. 24
You Armed Whom? Hungary, 1514	p. 29
You Chose Whom to Be the What? England, 1535	p. 33
You Bought What? Netherlands, 1636	p. 39
You Sent Whom, Governor? America, 1753-1754	p. 46
You Lost Your Head Paris, 1794	p. 55
You Are Shocking Europe, 1796	p. 61
You Married Whom? Germany, 1858	p. 66
You Shot Whom? Weehawken, New Jersey, 1804	p. 71
You Invaded Where? Russia, 1812	p. 77
You Gave Command to Whom? Waterloo, 1815	p. 81
You Wore What? Washington, D.C., 1840	p. 88
You Set Loose What? Australia, 1859	p. 92
You Lost What? Antietam, 1862	p. 97
You Taught Them What? Kansas and Missouri, 1863	p. 103
You Sent Them Out in What? Off the Confederate Coastline, 1864	p. 108
You're Building What, Where? Panama, 1881	p. 112
You Put Him in Charge of What? Washington, 1896	p. 118
You Hit What? The Mid-Atlantic, 1912	p. 127
You Demand What? Authors, Everywhere, All the Time	p. 136
You Ignored Whose Warning? Galveston, Texas, 1900	p. 140
You Unleashed What? China, 1900	p. 146
You Allowed What? Australia, 1950	p. 150
You Are Doing It When, How? Africa	p. 157
You Appointed Whom? England, 1914	p. 170
You Traded Whom? Boston, 1920	p. 179
You Created a Wonder Drug? Germany, 1897	p. 183
You Sold Whom for How Much? New York City, 1937	p. 190
You're Out of Tune United States, 1950 on (and on, and on)	p. 194
You Executed All the What? Russia, 1937-1942	p. 198
You Built It Where? New York, 1953	p. 203
You Choose Whom? The Vatican, 1958	p. 212
You Are Running Against Whom? California, 1966	p. 217
You Quit What Show? TV Land: From 1970 to Next Season	p. 222
You Forged What? Hollywood, 1976	p. 226
You Switched Over to What? New York/Oakland Nfl Game, 1968	p. 233
You Broke In Where? Washington, D.C., 1971	p. 237
You Taped It All? Washington, D.C., 1974	p. 243
You Vaccinated Whom Against What? United States, 1976	p. 246
You Are Rescuing Them How? Iran, 1979	p. 253
You Assassinated Whom? Donegal Bay, Ireland, 1979	p. 263
You Made What? Hollywood, 1980s-'90s	p. 267
You Forgot to Ask Them What? United States, 1985	p. 272
Index	p. 281
Table of Contents provided by Ingram. All Rights Reserved.

Excerpts

You Did What?
Mad Plans and Great Historical Disasters

You Kidnapped Whom?

It takes a lot of effort to make a series of mistakes so great that not onlydo they destroy your entire civilization but also become the stuff thatmakes one of the great epics of all times.

The Terrible Choices of the Trojan War
Troy, the Bronze Age

Brian M. Thomsen

Some of the greatest stories in history have their basis in a combinationof actual events and legends, where the blurring of the linebetween the two creates a sense of truly epic storytelling and ofheroes larger than life who are nonetheless men (centaurs andgods excluded, of course).

The factual history is unclear. Still, it took some pigheaded stupidityand shortsighted self-indulgence to effectively destroy theleading city of its day.

We know that indeed there was a city named Troy (also knownas Ilium), believed to be located on a hill now called Hisarlik in thenorthwest reaches of Anatolia. However, this might not have beenthe location of the Troy as depicted in the chronicles of the TrojanWar. Archaeological research has chosen a better candidate -- namely,Troy VI, which was destroyed in 1270 -- given the following facts:there are records that show it was in contact with Greece duringthe hypothetical period of the conflict,Greece was a flourishing yet warlike civilization at the time, and it included as part of its realmMycenae and other locales actually mentioned in the Homericrecords (which is also mentioned in various contemporary corroboratingHittite records).

Thus, when it comes to the facts, we know that there was a cityof Troy (which may or may not have been located where wethought it was) and that sometime during the classical age a wartook place there, possibly over a dispute concerning control oftrade through the Dardanelles.

But of course there is much more to the story. A lyrical chronicleof this great war based in mythology and reportage has beenpassed down by the great blind bard Homer in his epic ballads TheIliad and The Odyssey.

According to Homer, the Trojan War broke out when thePrince of Troy, Paris, abducted the wife of Menelaus of Sparta, theso-called Helen of Troy, whose face could launch a thousand ships.

Bad Idea #1: Never make off with the wife of a guy who has thepull to call on an entire army to get her back.

Menelaus persuaded his brother Agamemnon to amass an armyagainst Troy to bring his wife back. This army included such greatheroes as wily Odysseus, Nestor, and Achilles, whose inclusion aspart of the martial force leads us to ...

Bad Idea #2: Be careful what you choose; you will have to live(even after death) with the consequences.

According to legend and myth, the gods had offered Achilles(he of the legendary heel) a choice -- he could live a long but ordinary life or he could live a short but heroic-unto-legend-worthylife. He chose the latter, and indeed acquitted himself exceptionallyduring the siege of Troy, and as a result died quite heroically in battle.It is accurate to note that he eventually had second thoughts onthis choice as revealed in a passage of The Odyssey, where he isencountered in the Land of the Dead and pretty much admits hisregrets.

Meanwhile, back at the war ...

The battle rages for nine years as the Trojans had more than afew heroes of their own (such as Hector and his sons). Moreover,the city itself was well fortified with an enclosing wall that provedto be impenetrable from forces on the outside. As a result, aftermuch hooting and hollering and laying to waste of the surroundingarea, when all was said and done the Trojans and Helen werestill safe and snug behind their city wall.

Moreover, they had gotten cocky.

Bad Idea #3: Watch whose advice you choose to ignore.

According to the myths the prophetess Cassandra was blessedwith clairvoyant foresight and cursed with an aura that made thosearound her disbelieve anything she had to say.

Cassandra warned Hector and the Trojans that a plot to defeatTroy was afoot, and if it went forward, Troy would indeed fall.

They ignored her ... and the expected disastrous resultsoccurred.

The Greeks realized that they were getting nowhere so wilyOdysseus decided that it was time to change tactics.

So one day the Trojans looked out on the enemy Greek camp,and lo and behold it was abandoned.

The Greeks had seemingly sailed away ... but they had leftsomething behind.

Bad Idea #4: Didn't the Trojans know to "Beware of Greeksbearing gifts"?

The Greeks had left behind a large wooden horse as a token oftheir esteem for so many years of good fighting; or, as said bysniveling Sinon, their left-behind spokesperson, "You won. We lost.Take this horse as the prize."

The Trojans dragged the horse into the city of Troy, inside herprotective walls, which had so successfully withstood the Greeks.

Sure enough, night fell, a commando force dropped out of thehorse and opened the gates from inside to allow in the nowreturnedGreek armies.

The Greeks won.

Troy fell.

But the story wasn't over yet.

Bad Idea #5: The gods hate a braggart so try not to piss them off.

Odysseus was quite pleased with himself that his plan hadworked, and like the Trojans before him became too cocky -- whichis why it took him so long to get home (the delays of which aredetailed in The Odyssey).

The gods had taken sides during the war and in some casesfought side by side with the mortal warriors.

Most of them did not appreciate having been bested by a meremortal, even if he was Athena's favorite.

As to other victorious Greeks coming home from their victory ...

You Did What?
Mad Plans and Great Historical Disasters. Copyright © by Bill Fawcett. Reprinted by permission of HarperCollins Publishers, Inc. All rights reserved. Available now wherever books are sold.

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Excerpted from You Did What?: Mad Plans and Great Historical Disasters by Bill Fawcett, Brian Thomsen
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